A parenting technique you should be using on yourself

You may or may not be aware of Dr. Becky.  (But if you have kids and you’re an elder millennial or younger, she might be a household name.)

She’s a parenting coach.

But I’m not here to talk about parenting.

So, regardless of whether you chose to have kids or not, read on.

I think we all have something to learn from Dr. Becky about how to treat ourselves.

Why?

Well, one time, I was listening to an interview with Dr. Becky, and she used this phrase I’d never heard before: “MGI”

What does “MGI” stand for?:

  • “Most Generous Interpretation”. 

It’s the idea was that when your kids are “misbehaving” or acting in a way that bothers you, you should use your MGI, your most generous interpretation of their behavior.

And I immediately thought:

“This makes sense, and it’s so much broader than that.”

You can use MGI with yourself!

How often do you mentally beat yourself up about stuff you didn’t do or think you could have done better?

Heck, you might even believe that being harsh with yourself will help you to “do better” in the future.

Science tells us that when we’re self-compassionate, that’s when we “do better”.

And that’s where MGI comes in.

  • Instead of berating yourself when you don’t finish your task-list…again, what if you gave yourself your MGI?

    • What if you said “Yep, I didn’t get done what I intended to do.  Maybe I overcommitted.  Next time, I’ll plan to do less.”

  • Instead of admonishing yourself about snapping at your kids, or your partner, or your coworker, what if you gave yourself your MGI?

    • What if you said “Wow, I was really stressed and when I’m stressed it’s hard for me to be my best self.  I’m going to go apologize and then figure out a different strategy for next time I feel stress, but have to interact with others.”

  • Instead of chastising yourself when you make a mistake, what if you gave yourself your MGI?

    • What if you said “Wow, today was a really busy day, and I thought multitasking would help, but I forgot I’m more prone to errors when I’m doing too many things at once.  Tomorrow, I’ll try to stick to one thing at a time, no matter how busy I get.”

  • Instead of finding fault in whatever you do, what if you gave yourself your MGI?

    • What if, when you notice an imperfection, you say “You know what? This is good enough. And if bend over backwards to make it better, I bet the only person who will notice is me.”

What if your inner voice slowly became a self-compassionate one?

What if, indeed.

Habit Change, MindsetAlexis HaselbergermindsetComment