Something you might not know about me
Photo by Tara Winstead
There’s something you probably don’t know about me.
And it’s not because I’m hiding it, but it’s likely because you may have made some assumptions.
Most people look at someone who helps others with time management and productivity (me!), and assume that these are skills I’ve always had.
That these are innate traits.
That I must be organized by nature.
But, this actually isn’t true.
The reality is that I have ADHD.
And that I got really good at these skills because they were essential to my success.
These skills are hard earned.
How did I come to learn I had ADHD?
Well, I actually can thank some of my clients for this.
When I first started coaching, I started to notice that many of my clients were adults with ADHD.
And at first, I started doing a ton of research because I wanted to make sure that I could serve this population; I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t sharing only neurotypical strategies that don’t often work for folks with ADHD.
And, to my surprise, my research led me to the understanding that I was already teaching strategies that work for folks with ADHD, among many other strategies.
I’ve always begun every, single client engagement from the premise that we start with learning who YOU are, and how YOUR brain works, exactly as it is.
Because I find it’s much easier to build sustainable strategies around who you are, whoever that is, than to try to fit you in a box of what worked for someone else.
And the more clients with ADHD I worked with, the more stories I listened to, the more I saw myself.
All of the struggles these clients were experiencing were my own struggles.
These were the issues I’d dealt with all my life, and that I’d experimented and iterated my way around until I found the strategies that worked for me.
The only difference between my clients and me was that I’d already learned the skills I needed, and my clients were just getting started on that journey, with my help.
So I sought diagnosis to determine if what I was starting to see in myself was actually true. (Spoiler: it was!)
Have you ever heard someone say “we do the work we need”?
Well, I was certainly in the thick of it.
I needed skills around time management and productivity, and so I went out to find them.
And then, well, my clients found me.
Now, do all of my clients have ADHD?
Nope, I work with all sorts.
And because I work with people starting from the premise that everyone is unique, the process I use for coaching works well for folks with ADHD and folks who are busy, overwhelmed or have a lot on their plates, regardless of any other struggles.
If you’re curious about me, well, looking backwards, I’d just developed a ton of coping strategies that worked well for me, and the funny thing is that I didn’t realize at the time that they were coping skills. I thought everyone had it hard and needed systems/strategies
So what are some of these coping strategies turned skills?
Well, I’ve always had a shit memory. (In fact, my very first blog post here was called “Remember is a 4 Letter Word”. So, in school, I just never enrolled in classes where I had to memorize. (Except for Bio my freshman year of college where I got the worst grade I’d ever received, ever. And let me tell you that a C+ for this straight-A student was a real blow, and something I wasn’t eager to let happen again.) So instead, I started taking classes that capitalized on my strengths (like talking and writing).
I also took jobs where I had an office with a door I could shut (with HR, you’re dealing with a lot of sensitive info, and so, a door was needed.)
I negotiated the ability to work from home long before it was cool, because I’m so highly sensitive to noise and distraction. I was working from home 10 years before the pandemic!
I needed structure, because left to my own devices, I lose track of time in a major way, so I started using timers and time-blocking to keep me on track.
I started developing a framework for a task management system so I didn't rely on memory (remember, I’ve got a terrible memory; thanks ADHD). But, let me tell you, it didn’t start out the way it is now. (Read here for the evolution of my systems.)
I started ruthlessly decluttering my house on the regular and throwing things out so they don't pile up; if I don’t have a place for all my important stuff it’ll just pile up and I’ll lose it. (And I’m a little embarrassed to say I lose track of my phone, still, at least once a day.)
I write everything down because, again, lack of short term memory (and I even end up repeating stuff to myself until I can write it down if, say, I’m in the shower).
There’s a game I’ve been playing with myself for years called “time check” and it’s just where I ask myself what time it is before checking the clock, so I can improve the skill of understanding how much time has passed because this doesn’t come naturally to me at all. (Much to my husband’s chagrin, my 5 minutes, is often 20, or even 45. Yes, time blindness is a real thing!)
I use timers and alarms incessantly because if I don’t, I burn things on the stove.
What I'm doing about it, now that my diagnosis is a few years old?
Well, the primary thing that’s changed is simply that I no longer feel bad when I can’t easily do things that come to others easily.
I know my strategies work well for me.
And I also know that sometimes they won’t work anymore and I’ll need to change them up.
Experimentation, iteration and self-compassion are core tenants in my own life that I bring into my coaching practice and online courses.
And you know what, there’s still stuff I struggle with on the regular that’s related to my ADHD.
I’ve figured a lot out, but not everything:
I still have working memory issues, and I don’t think that’ll ever change. (As a kid, I distinctly remember being the one who could never remember what happened in the last chapter of the read aloud book, until someone else said it and the memory came flooding back. As an adult, if you ask me what happened in the last episode of my favorite TV show, I won’t be able to tell you, until I start watching the next one.)
I still have auditory processing issues; I have to work hard to concentrate on what people are saying, and sometimes it enters my head as gibberish, and I have to repeat it back to myself until I understand. Loud rooms with mutliple conversations happening, restaurants, concerts, etc. are difficult for me.
I still struggle not to interrupt and to wait for my turn to talk; and it’s never because I’m not interested in what the other person is saying, it’s that I’m so eager to converse that sometimes my mouth opens too fast. 20 years ago I got the feedback to count 3 seconds after someone has spoken before I start, and while I still try to take this advice every day, it’s still hard. And I probably offend some people sometimes. (Sorry!)
I still burn things on the stove; if I don’t set an alarm on my phone I WILL forget. And yet, I never think I will.
And yes, I still lose my phone multiple times a day; but I just use the ‘find my phone” feature now (thank you technology!)
Since the day I started this business, my message has always been this:
Every brain is different, and we have to experiment and iterate to find what works for YOU.
I didn't know for sure that my brain wasn't a neurotypical one until a few years ago.
But perhaps that's why I've always felt so strongly about this message.
Perhaps I knew it innately, without knowing it explicitly.
We all have different strengths.
Yet we all want to figure out to use our time in a way that makes us feel good.
This process isn't cookie-cutter.
But there are skills that you can learn and adapt.
If I can do it, you can do it.
And if you need a little help along the way, well, you know where to find me.
If you’re interested in 1:1 coaching, schedule a free chat today.
And if you want to work on these skills with a group of like-minded folks, join the waitlist for Time Well Spent today; the next cohort starts in September.